Dum spiro, spero

Written by Chuma Banji

Out of pain, doubt and a restlessness that would not let me settle for easy answers, I searched for your existence. I wandered across the earth, trying to understand religions, each with its own language for the divine. In my search, I saw diversity in spiritual enlightenment—many beliefs, all pursuing a higher truth, all trying to make sense of life and its mysteries.

In all this, I did not find you in one single form but you were hidden at the very core of all these paths. You appeared to me as a Being, woven into the fabric of existence, displaying every colour of the rainbow—expressed in many characters, many faces, yet always revealing one constant presence. It is in this unity within diversity, in the heart of the world’s searching, that I have glimpsed your presence.

Despite everything I have experienced and all the searching I have done, I still do not know how to relate with you. I try to open myself, willing to embrace you, yet doubt returns—how should I accept you, in what shape or form? Where do you dwell, and how can I reach you? In the midst of pain and uncertainty, I find myself running to what is familiar: Jehovah. You are the only connection I know, but even then, I struggle to feel completely connected.